Things Women Could Learn from Men

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most (if not all) women have ‘standard’ attitudes that only differ in intensity. I’m also quite sure that men also have a common denominator with one another, and they’re most probably a little more chill than us women.

Now, I’ve been surrounded by strong men my whole life, and I’ve picked up a thing or two from hanging out with them. Some of those things are what most women don’t seem to get, as we do have our own way of dealing with certain situations. However in this case, I think we could learn some points from men - and reduce overthinking in the process.

If you're more of an audio consumer, you're in luck 'cause this post has been converted into a podcast! Access the audio version here and see other episodes.

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1. When business is just that, and nothing else.

Ladies, let’s not get carried away and assume that every other woman who our man mingles or spends time with is their side-chick. Nothing irks a man more and makes him want to ‘rebel’ in a relationship than when you decide to pester him about a ‘woman from work’.

Yes, not all women are decent enough to back off when a man already has a partner, but we have to be sure. Aren’t women accustomed to a little ‘investigating’? We can be focused and incredibly intelligent when we set our mind to something, so instead of falsely accusing your man and denting your relationship, do a background check. Observe. Play along. Chances are, if you know your guy well enough, you’ll pick up hints that will determine if he’s cheating or not.

Saying that, I don’t mean for you to endure that nagging, uncomfortable feeling. Talk to your guy first and get *his* side. Like I always say: there’s no need to escalate things to a fight if it can be resolved through talking about it first.

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2. Why it’s okay to be both friends and competitors at the same time.

Most women are naturally competitive. So much so, that two women may tend to pick each another apart until the other is figuratively bloodied and destroyed.

Women are also very emotional creatures, so if someone decides to target something or someone they’ve invested a lot of their emotion on (like a promotion or that guy from work they’ve been eyeing), they’ll do everything in their power to turn things around.


My message to all the lovely women out there is this: there’s no point in tearing other women apart. We’re already subjected to stereotypes and rules by a patriarchal society, and pulling others down isn’t helping address that. We can all be friends *and* still be competitors. There’s loads of opportunities out there!

In friendships, this unspoken rule of not stepping over each other’s feet is a given. In my case, my circle is mostly composed of designers, developers, managers, and bloggers. I’m friends with like-minded individuals who’ve pursued similar careers, but that doesn’t mean we have to fight over a position or a favorable impression. Healthy competition is always a good thing, no matter how negative it may seem to you.


3. When it’s just about sex, and why it could be okay.

Like I said before, women tend to get emotional most times, attaching a feeling to a person, place, or experience. This is a good thing, and it’s a common way for everyone (not only women) to relate that thing or person to a memory. When we feel something, we can look back to a similar experience in the past. That’s just how things are.

It’s understandable why women are more emotional when it comes to sex. It’s a sacred thing to be experienced only with the person you’ve given your heart and soul to, and that is what makes us vulnerable. (As a side note, I’m *so* happy men have the ability to compartmentalize things.)


Sometimes, we ladies have to learn to let our minds wander off and give in to sensations. We have to know when to let our emotions in and when to best leave it at the doorstep. Not all experiences are ‘a journey’ as much as meditation would like us to believe.

Having sex and making love aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes, sex is a way to blow off steam, to relieve stress in a way. Making love is where emotion rides best, and it has both partners invested in tuning into each other’s feelings.

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4. When to not talk about it.

I think that out of all these points, this is where men shine. They know when to lean back and put an issue on the side fir a little while and let it cool. Most women aren’t like that and they don’t want that. It’s an uneasy feeling when you know there’s an unresolved issue and it’s just hanging loosely in the air.

We women have to realize that talking about a problem immediately after finding out about it isn’t always the best thing to do. Not every little thing has to be brought up during dinner.

It makes a difference when both partners know when to talk about something and when to let things be. Kind of like an unspoken agreement you both share. Guys don’t really like digging through the nitty gritty details and many feel like it’s a waste of time to talk about something that isn’t such a big deal.


5. Why it’s not your job to make everyone happy.

Most women are naturally people-pleasers. It’s common for us to want to be liked by everybody, and that often tends to stress us out a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re normally the ones who entertain guests at social functions or maybe it’s because of our natural instinct to make everyone feel comfortable. Regardless of the reason, we’ve made it our responsibility to keep people around us happy, whether it was a conscious decision or not.

That being said, women can be too accommodating sometimes and try to please all the people all the time. This might be because of the stereotype that men are more aggressive than women. A man may demand and expect to get what he wants - which could be deemed almost rude and too straight-forward - but I really think we’d benefit from doing the same thing every now and then.

No matter how much you want to be inclusive of people, you can’t please everyone, and that will just add unnecessary, negative feelings.

Loving Long Distance: Keeping It Interesting

No matter how in-love we are with our other half, there are moments where the relationship can get pretty stale if there’s nothing new going on or if we’re doing the same things all the time. In this case, adding a little (or a lot) of spice will do you both good.

From being in a relationship for almost 14 years, I can lend a few tips and insights as to how to keep the relationship exciting and interesting. These tips have worked for us, and I’m hoping they’ll benefit you as well.

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1. Care for the little things. 

Short messages, small cards, or quick calls do so much to keep the relationship strong. This should be a no-brainer, so it boggles me when some friends ask for advice and tell me the same exact thing: that they need more from their boyfriends and that they don’t communicate much between fancy dinners and overseas trips (if there are any).

With my guy - I think I’ve hit the jackpot (in more ways than one). I don’t deserve the attention he gives me. To be honest, I’m the more passive half, but that doesn’t stop him from sending little notes my way. Be it a short message on Skype or Messenger, a tag on a meme on Facebook - in short, any action that allows him to interact with me throughout the day. I often send him little notes as well. I might be passive at times, but I’m not a snob, haha.

Given our distance, small things really matter as it helps lessen the miles and makes us feel like we’re physically together.

2. Invest in experiences.

In a long distance relationship, every moment matters, and if you only get to see each other once a month (or less than), making each meeting special will take some planning.

As for us, we take turns in planning trips for our monthly get-togethers. Last December, Lance and I visited Sweden to spend time before the New Year. It was his turn to do the planning, and it was the best year-ender ever. He booked one of the prettiest hotels in Stockholm called the Nobis Hotel (and the most beautiful room ever), booked us a tour, and just made everything incredible for the both of us.

When it’s my turn to plan though, I can’t splurge on luxury trips. He insists on paying for everything all the time, but I don’t like having to rely on him that much. So, I try to budget. I book us hotels and fancy dinners too, but nothing so luxurious as somewhere abroad. I’m not as loaded as he is, but I do know how to give my guy a good time my own way. Often, the best experience is somewhere where it’s only the two of you present.

Simply put, you could either go big, or go as much as you can afford. What matters is you do something together, you experience something together, and that makes for some great stories and memories.

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3. Show your affection.

Here in the Philippines, public display of affection (PDA) isn’t really the norm. Perhaps in the cities, it’s become commonplace - but most of the country are still quite conservative, so couples don’t air out their love through physical touch that often.

In other countries, PDA is very common. Couples kiss in public and touch each other without having to think of being judged or scrutinized. This foreign way of thinking has always been normal for me living in Australia as a kid, and having an Australian boyfriend certainly helped solidify my opinion on the matter.

When he’s in the country, we WEAR affection on our sleeves. We hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and touch each other with little care for what the world thinks. It’s been like that for the past 13 or so years (minus the 1st year of high school, haha), and with every year that passes by, we’ve managed to keep things exciting. (Try touching his ass in public and you’ll see what I mean.)

Don’t feel like you have to hide how you feel because people will judge. That’s natural to humans. We judge others ALL the time. Let your body loose once in a while if you’re still not convinced. It’s quite therapeutic.

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4. Try role-playing.

While role-plays are usually for the bedroom, you can also use it to add some spice throughout the day. In a relationship where you can’t always physically be together, talking over Skype or phone is kind of the only way you can communicate. If you’ve been in a relationship for as long as I have, I think you’ll naturally develop some ‘inside language’ you both automatically understand depending on the mood.

There was a time where we were both feeling a little peckish (for food and something else, haha), and since we had some time to kill, we had a little phone conversation surrounding food (I was a fruit and he was a vegetable) and how we wanted to eat each other. Yeah, that happened. Left us both flushed afterwards, and it certainly helped bring us closer together.

Role-playing is the chance to look into some of your partner’s innermost thoughts. I’m very into the psychology and behavior of people, and from the books I’ve read, observing what roles they usually go for will indicate their desires. It’ll help you get to know your partner better, and complement his/her desires with your own.

5. Play with fashion.

We rely on our visuals very heavily, and when we see something we like, we snap out of boredom and turn our attention towards it like a hawk. When you’ve been with your partner for a while, playing with your wardrobe every now and then will bring the surprise.

If you’re more of a jacket, shirt, and jeans kind of girl, switch it up a bit! I’m the type who doesn’t dress up a lot, and when he’s on vacation in the Philippines, he has an expectation of what I usually wear, i.e. jeans, a regular statement shirt, and some rubbers.

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The last time my boyfriend visited, I changed my style. Instead of my usual ‘blah’ outfit, I wore a printed, tubed jumpsuit, some sandals, and a lovely floral kimono I had recently bought. The guy was all over me. Couldn’t take his hands off my ass, haha.

The attire not only made me feel better about myself, it also gave my guy a new image of me in his head when he went back to Australia. Something to keep him thinking about me until we see each other again.

(If you’re not comfortable with reading about intimacy, please skip the next point.)

6. Sext.

Sexting is a pretty taboo subject in the Philippines, but as much as people hate to admit it, this form of communication does wonders to keep the passion alive.

Personally, I think sexting outside a relationship is a no-no. Between couples though, I’m perfectly okay with it (I mean, we do it, so...). I think it’s yet another way to become closer to your significant other, and allows for exploration of another level of intimacy outside the bedroom.

Sexting shouldn’t have to be “dirty”, okay? You can do it in a classy way. Make it an art. Make it a poem or something. It doesn’t have to be a foul, disgraceful thing. Text just enough to make his imagination go wild, but don’t withhold so much too that the other has no idea what you’re actually trying to say. This is also the perfect place to try out some role-playing.

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7. Write each other stories of your day.

Out of all the tips, this has been the one which I’m always excited for. I love it when Lance tells me about his day and what he feels at the end before going to sleep. Our stories could be very long or very short depending on our energy levels and how much we want to share. (Yes, you don’t have to share everything with your other half.)

In the past, we’ve sent these stories over email, but as mine has started to get clogged by other urgent things, his messages fall to the bottom of the mailbox. To avoid this, we keep a shared diary online, a blog that only we have access to. We log our events of the day and we read them before bed.

You know why this works? It makes both parties feel that regardless of how far apart they both are, they’re still involved and “in-the-know” about the important parts of their partner’s day. Yes, it requires effort, especially if you both had a very tiring day, but it’s worth every last bit of energy.

Lance and I don’t often get the chance to actively chat and be present at the same time, that’s why we leave messages and just wait until the other sees it later in the day. With these story logs, it’s the perfect day-ender. It’s like you were with him the entire day.

Like I said in the beginning, these have worked for us and are all based from experience. If any or all of these work for you, then I'm happy. If not, let me know how you made your relationship last. I might be missing a few things in here, haha.

How Do You Know You've Found the Blogging Platform for You?

Back in 2004, when I started my blog over at Blogger, blogging wasn't a thing. It wasn't popular and blogs used to serve merely as diaries for people who want to keep talking (writing?) beyond their circle.

I, for one, discovered blogging when I was hanging out at the house of a friend from church, practicing our little dance number to be performed on a Sunday (or Saturday?). I was sitting on her bed waiting for the others to arrive when I couldn't help but notice "Diaryland" displayed on her computer. At the time, it looked really cool and personal, and the more I observed her interact with it, the more I grew interested. I was very shy then, so I didn't ask what it was. 

When I got home though, I googled 'Diaryland' (Or was it Yahoo? Dang I'm old.) and was shown this website:

Image © https://twitter.com/diaryland

Image © https://twitter.com/diaryland

Before any of this, I didn't have much going for me on the internet. All I did was to search on it for homework or check and send emails. I don't recall spending hours 'browsing' and getting eye strain. After a quick search, I discovered Blogger. 

Blogger's landing page circa 2009.

Blogger's landing page circa 2009.

It doesn't seem much right now, but back then, it opened up a whole new world. I kept physical diaries growing up so knowing there was a way to kind of immortalize and share my thoughts to people was mind-blowing to me. 

This was also the time I began to explore HTML/CSS/Flash (thanks, Friendster!) so with my knowledge, I decided to start with Blogger as it was a straight-to-the-point system for posting and designing my blog's look and feel. Diaryland was cool and intimate, but I didn't have access to the codes for customization. Wordpress wasn't even a thing back then. 

Between 2007 to 2009, I didn't touch my blog. I didn't see it is something valuable enough to keep spending time on because I already had  a physical diary, and that was enough for me. Boy, was that a big mistake. When I got back to the blogging scene, a lot of people had started one and for them, blogging was a business. I realized I needed to get back to work, and after a short glitch in the system (I somehow deleted everything in my blog, sadly), I was back.

A few months into blogging again, Wordpress started catching up, offering "plugins" to give more customization options for a small fee. 

Wordpress 2009.

Wordpress 2009.

Wordpress Pricing circa 2009

Wordpress Pricing circa 2009

With Wordpress, my love for designing web pages was ignited. I remember looking through a number of free themes thinking about possible blogs I could create - food blogs, one for politics, one for just my artworks, one for music... there was just too many ideas, but I decided to stick to one - art. 

I then proceeded to keep two blogs: one on Blogger for my personal posts and one on Wordpress for my art posts. During this time, I also discovered other blogging sites like LiveJournal, Tumblr, Weebly, and Wix, among many others. Name a blogging platform and I can bet you I've already tried blogging on it. 

For the next 5-6 years, I blogged inconsistently with blogger, never really feeling contented and countlessly switching from Blogger to Wordpress and vice-versa. I could never seem to find the sweet spot, since the other had benefits the other didn't. I couldn't find peace. I even tried telling myself to switch fully to Moonfruit instead, or Wix. (Moonfruit back then didn't offer a lot of versatility, but now, it can definitely be a contender.)

Around 2014-2015, I heard about Squarespace. 

Read my ultimate Squarespace review!

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As a student, getting my blog on Squarespace was near to impossible. I had no job to sustain the monthly fee and I had no money of my own to buy a domain for it. I tried the 14-day trial and fell in love, but I couldn't afford it. Blogger was still the best platform for a starting, unemployed student-blogger. 

Fast-forward to the first quarter of 2017, I could finally afford Squarespace. I already had a job after graduating in 2015 so my income was steady. I also already established a brand that same year and it wasn't hard to choose the domain for my portfolio/blog. For the first time in years, I didn't feel unease. I stopped looking for alternatives or "what could be better". I felt right at home with Squarespace. I've always never questioned being on the platform. 

How do you feel about blogging platforms now?

Admittedly, though I'm earning enough to sustain my blog and domain, Squarespace's P832.00/month pricing can get quite heavy. Add to that your G-Suite subscription and you're more or less paying for P950-P1,100/month. For that price, you could have yearly hosting covered and get your blog on Wordpress. 

As for Blogger, I found myself opening my dashboard again and redesigning it. I realized how much I missed the simplicity of blogging there, and how I could get so many customizations in the code done just the way I wanted it. During the process though, I also realized how in-love I am now with Squarespace. I couldn't believe it myself. 

While I tried to relive my Blogger days (I still use it for my daily doo-dahs: read here), I kept comparing how easy it was to style your posts and add elements on Squarespace. Yes, you had full control with HTML but so much time can be saved with the available blocks in the latter. You don't even have to think. Blogger was good while it lasted for me. There are still heaps of blogs hosted there, but I think I've graduated from the platform. 

As for Moonfruit, I recently decided to take another look and was surprised by the pricing and the modernized brand. 

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Moonfruit Pricing (2018)

Moonfruit Pricing (2018)

The new site looks updated, and the pricing was actually cheap (at around $5/month). I then decided to sign up again and see what's new. Once I got in, I noticed the site builder is akin to Wix's website builder, with a preset structure (header, body, footer) and pre-made templates. I expected to get more, but they've apparently stuck to a few themes plus a blank one to start from scratch with. As much as I'd like to say it's become a contender, there's still just too many limitations for it to hit mainstream.

As for Tumblr, LiveJournal, Weebly, and the others, they still aren't flexible enough (or simple enough) to offer competition. As of today, I still believe Wordpress & Squarespace are leading the industry.

Why talk about this now?

You see, there have been a number of people asking me through private messaging about blogging, like how to start, what it is, how can they make money off it, which platform is better, and more. I realized that they're struggling with this earlier than I did, because they now have more options than I did 10 years ago (I'm not too old, okay? I just turned 26, haha!).

I also found myself rethinking my decision to move to Squarespace after so many months of contentment. Wala ba talagang forever? (Is forever really just a concept?) Kidding. Don't worry - with all the good I've mentioned about the site, I'm definitely staying. I just thought I'd talk about my previous struggles and show it's okay to get a little muddled at first. 

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In short...

If there's a takeaway from this long post, it would be these three things:

• You're comfortable with how the platform handles content creation and you can design posts exactly how you want.

• You're alright with the monthly/yearly price (for those with domains & hosting) and it doesn't affect your blog or its content.

• You're excited to keep producing content because you're just totally in-love with the platform and how your blog/site looks. (Q: Are you proud to show off your blog to complete strangers?)

If you're struggling with anything blog-related, whether hosting, setting up, content management, marketing your blog - I'm here to help. Leave a comment or leave me a message on any of my socials! I love helping out people with their passions so don't be shy! :)

Beautiful, Useless Products

Designers owe it to the world to invent products for everyday use that are not only beautiful, but fully functional when needed. From architects to engineers, to illustrators and the like - we've been given the responsibility to make proper use of our talents. 

This is why when Athens-based architect Katerina Kamprani created "The Uncomfortable", it caused a major stir for anyone who was in her loop, and beyond it. 

I first saw her creations a few years back, but didn't really mind it, and never took the time to mull over how genius everything was. So now, I've come back to make myself relive her work and bathe in its awesomeness. I hope you do too.

Easily one of my favorites. I don't think even the widest mouth can accommodate such a cup. I wonder what her process was for coming up with this design?

As a wine lover, this gets to me on so many levels. I'm not sure if I'm irked or amused that this looks so pretty but completely dysfunctional. With my not-so-steep nose though, I think this could work.

Next on the list is this frustratingly useless inflatable door handle with the keyhole right under it. If you ever get past turning the handle, you'll be even more pissed at trying to turn the key at the same time. Genius.

Another brilliant design, this time of a briki. Do I even need to talk you through this one? How brilliant is this?! Katerina is such an amazing architect with a brain to match. Here are some more of her designs:

To see more of her work, head over to The Uncomfortable and take a look at how insanely creative she is. I'm so glad we aren't using these exact products though. Ugh. Life would be so bad, haha!

My High-Energy Work Playlists

Try as I might to stay energized throughout the day, I sometimes get those bouts of boredom where I can't sit still and I just want to walk around and eat something cold. While my work doesn't prevent me from doing those things, our work load and deadlines often confine me to my seat, so I have to find a way to cure boredom without getting out of it often.

It's a good thing I'm a music lover. Listening to music has been a life-saver countless times, and it allows me to slowly get back to the grind without taking too much time.

If you're like me, you'd know how important it is to create a playlist either on Apple Music or Spotify (Want to know which service is better?) that totally gets you pumped up for the work ahead. 

Note: I like to start slow, adding music with a great beat and general flow at the first part then gradually increasing the tempo towards the middle. Often though, I play it on shuffle, haha. Simply put, music which pumps me up isn't limited to just Pop and EDM. Enjoy the playlist! (I also have a similar playlist on Spotify, if you want to follow the list there.)

If you're more of a chill person who lives for "the vibes", here are two playlists I've created to listen to on those down, chill afternoon moods.

This playlist only has Swedish-born Ikson's tracks, and I love them. First discovered him through one of Marzia's videos and Youtube, and began discovering his other tracks from there.

My taste in music varies a lot. Depending on the beat and/or my current mood, I could love everything from Classical music to Rock. When I want to focus, I listen to some LANY, Ikson, Petit Biscuit, or look for a chill-hop playlist. When I want to focus more, I listen to some Baroque opera. 

What are your preferences when it comes to music? Do you have a work/study playlist that you want to share? Leave links in the comments so I can take a peek!

Also, if you like this type of content, please let me know and suggest other music playlists I should create. :)

Ciao!