I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most (if not all) women have ‘standard’ attitudes that only differ in intensity. I’m also quite sure that men also have a common denominator with one another, and they’re most probably a little more chill than us women.
Now, I’ve been surrounded by strong men my whole life, and I’ve picked up a thing or two from hanging out with them. Some of those things are what most women don’t seem to get, as we do have our own way of dealing with certain situations. However in this case, I think we could learn some points from men - and reduce overthinking in the process.
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1. When business is just that, and nothing else.
Ladies, let’s not get carried away and assume that every other woman who our man mingles or spends time with is their side-chick. Nothing irks a man more and makes him want to ‘rebel’ in a relationship than when you decide to pester him about a ‘woman from work’.
Yes, not all women are decent enough to back off when a man already has a partner, but we have to be sure. Aren’t women accustomed to a little ‘investigating’? We can be focused and incredibly intelligent when we set our mind to something, so instead of falsely accusing your man and denting your relationship, do a background check. Observe. Play along. Chances are, if you know your guy well enough, you’ll pick up hints that will determine if he’s cheating or not.
Saying that, I don’t mean for you to endure that nagging, uncomfortable feeling. Talk to your guy first and get *his* side. Like I always say: there’s no need to escalate things to a fight if it can be resolved through talking about it first.
2. Why it’s okay to be both friends and competitors at the same time.
Most women are naturally competitive. So much so, that two women may tend to pick each another apart until the other is figuratively bloodied and destroyed.
Women are also very emotional creatures, so if someone decides to target something or someone they’ve invested a lot of their emotion on (like a promotion or that guy from work they’ve been eyeing), they’ll do everything in their power to turn things around.
My message to all the lovely women out there is this: there’s no point in tearing other women apart. We’re already subjected to stereotypes and rules by a patriarchal society, and pulling others down isn’t helping address that. We can all be friends *and* still be competitors. There’s loads of opportunities out there!
In friendships, this unspoken rule of not stepping over each other’s feet is a given. In my case, my circle is mostly composed of designers, developers, managers, and bloggers. I’m friends with like-minded individuals who’ve pursued similar careers, but that doesn’t mean we have to fight over a position or a favorable impression. Healthy competition is always a good thing, no matter how negative it may seem to you.
3. When it’s just about sex, and why it could be okay.
Like I said before, women tend to get emotional most times, attaching a feeling to a person, place, or experience. This is a good thing, and it’s a common way for everyone (not only women) to relate that thing or person to a memory. When we feel something, we can look back to a similar experience in the past. That’s just how things are.
It’s understandable why women are more emotional when it comes to sex. It’s a sacred thing to be experienced only with the person you’ve given your heart and soul to, and that is what makes us vulnerable. (As a side note, I’m *so* happy men have the ability to compartmentalize things.)
Sometimes, we ladies have to learn to let our minds wander off and give in to sensations. We have to know when to let our emotions in and when to best leave it at the doorstep. Not all experiences are ‘a journey’ as much as meditation would like us to believe.
Having sex and making love aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes, sex is a way to blow off steam, to relieve stress in a way. Making love is where emotion rides best, and it has both partners invested in tuning into each other’s feelings.
4. When to not talk about it.
I think that out of all these points, this is where men shine. They know when to lean back and put an issue on the side fir a little while and let it cool. Most women aren’t like that and they don’t want that. It’s an uneasy feeling when you know there’s an unresolved issue and it’s just hanging loosely in the air.
We women have to realize that talking about a problem immediately after finding out about it isn’t always the best thing to do. Not every little thing has to be brought up during dinner.
It makes a difference when both partners know when to talk about something and when to let things be. Kind of like an unspoken agreement you both share. Guys don’t really like digging through the nitty gritty details and many feel like it’s a waste of time to talk about something that isn’t such a big deal.
5. Why it’s not your job to make everyone happy.
Most women are naturally people-pleasers. It’s common for us to want to be liked by everybody, and that often tends to stress us out a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re normally the ones who entertain guests at social functions or maybe it’s because of our natural instinct to make everyone feel comfortable. Regardless of the reason, we’ve made it our responsibility to keep people around us happy, whether it was a conscious decision or not.
That being said, women can be too accommodating sometimes and try to please all the people all the time. This might be because of the stereotype that men are more aggressive than women. A man may demand and expect to get what he wants - which could be deemed almost rude and too straight-forward - but I really think we’d benefit from doing the same thing every now and then.
No matter how much you want to be inclusive of people, you can’t please everyone, and that will just add unnecessary, negative feelings.