5 Benefits of Having a Long-term Lover

Being in the right relationship offers a whole lot of possibilities for both individual growth and growth as a couple. It also offers the comfort of knowing each other like two peas in a pod, and there’s no longer moments where you’re uncertain about what the other has to offer. As someone’s who’s lucky enough to be in such a relationship, I’ve listed down a few insights on why having a long-term lover has quite a few benefits.

1. When you sleep together, you can actually sleep.

Though it’s always such a fun time between the sheets, there are other moments when you just want to cuddle and relax peacefully beside them. I’ve found that when you’re new in a relationship, you tend to want physical activities more and leave rest for when you’re really incredibly super tired.

Being with a partner for a long time means you don’t have to always give in to what they want, and the other person understands and respects that. From the relationships some of my friends have had, most have found it difficult to say no to sexual encounters, simply because they’re a new couple and are still trying to understand how the other responds to different things. This brings me to point number two.

2. There are no ‘between-the-sheets’ surprises.

Surprises can be good or bad, but when it comes to bedroom activity, keeping those to a minimum when you’re a new couple is usually the way to go. With long-term partners, there’s really no need to fear what they’ll do to you under the sheets.

Sure, they could mix things up once in a while, but since they know what you like and how you like it, your partner won’t introduce a new activity they know you wouldn’t like. If you’ve been a couple for a while, nothing really can surprise you negatively anymore. You won’t have to ask the “you want me to do what?!” question at them anymore too, and suffer awkwardness after.

3. You can share your fantasies with them - and maybe act out a few as well.

When you have a long-term lover, nothing is taboo anymore, and I mean it. Everything you want and have ever dreamed of doing within the four corners of your bedroom (or anywhere really) is no longer a shock to your partner. If you’re both open about each other’s needs, the other will understand your motivation for wanting certain things.

If you’re both game, chances are, you’ll both be willing to act out a few of your fantasies and help your relationship become more intimate, not just physically but emotionally as well. Most of us don’t like bringing up our deepest desires as it makes us fragile and prone to abuse, but with the right, long-term partner, this is no longer a fear.

4. When you’re in the mood for some action, you know how to get it from them.

As you’ve been together for *so* long, the guessing game of ‘how can I make him touch me’ or ‘is he in the mood right now’ is a thing of the past. There’s no need to overthink “strategies” or fool around just so you can figure out how to get him under the sheets. Whether you’re in the mood for calm loving or destroy-the-house sex, a long-time partner will be able to read that. Sometimes, only a stare or an ‘accidental’ undie-slip is needed to get the party started.

5. You don’t think they love you - you KNOW it.

The best feeling in the world is knowing that the people you love love you back. The second-best feeling is being certain that they *do* adore and love you as much as you think they do.

Being part of a long-term relationship has made me realize that love really does stand the test of time. In the early stages, it’s common to feel lost and unsure of things, because you’ve both come from different situations. You’re trying to build a relationship together and complement each other because of love. n’t easy, and maintaining one isn’t a walk in the park either. It takes not only love, but patience, understanding, respect, and trust to keep the relationship afloat.

5 Things Women Could Learn from Men

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most (if not all) women have ‘standard’ attitudes that only differ in intensity. I’m also quite sure that men also have a common denominator with one another, and they’re most probably a little more chill than us women.

Now, I’ve been surrounded by strong men my whole life, and I’ve picked up a thing or two from hanging out with them. Some of those things are what most women don’t seem to get, as we do have our own way of dealing with certain situations. However in this case, I think we could learn some points from men - and reduce overthinking in the process.

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1. When business is just that, and nothing else.

Ladies, let’s not get carried away and assume that every other woman who our man mingles or spends time with is their side-chick. Nothing irks a man more and makes him want to ‘rebel’ in a relationship than when you decide to pester him about a ‘woman from work’.

Yes, not all women are decent enough to back off when a man already has a partner, but we have to be sure. Aren’t women accustomed to a little ‘investigating’? We can be focused and incredibly intelligent when we set our mind to something, so instead of falsely accusing your man and denting your relationship, do a background check. Observe. Play along. Chances are, if you know your guy well enough, you’ll pick up hints that will determine if he’s cheating or not.

Saying that, I don’t mean for you to endure that nagging, uncomfortable feeling. Talk to your guy first and get *his* side. Like I always say: there’s no need to escalate things to a fight if it can be resolved through talking about it first.

2. Why it’s okay to be both friends and competitors at the same time.

Most women are naturally competitive. So much so, that two women may tend to pick each another apart until the other is figuratively bloodied and destroyed.

Women are also very emotional creatures, so if someone decides to target something or someone they’ve invested a lot of their emotion on (like a promotion or that guy from work they’ve been eyeing), they’ll do everything in their power to turn things around.

My message to all the lovely women out there is this: there’s no point in tearing other women apart. We’re already subjected to stereotypes and rules by a patriarchal society, and pulling others down isn’t helping address that. We can all be friends *and* still be competitors. There’s loads of opportunities out there!

In friendships, this unspoken rule of not stepping over each other’s feet is a given. In my case, my circle is mostly composed of designers, developers, managers, and bloggers. I’m friends with like-minded individuals who’ve pursued similar careers, but that doesn’t mean we have to fight over a position or a favorable impression. Healthy competition is always a good thing, no matter how negative it may seem to you.

3. When it’s just about sex, and why it could be okay.

Like I said before, women tend to get emotional most times, attaching a feeling to a person, place, or experience. This is a good thing, and it’s a common way for everyone (not only women) to relate that thing or person to a memory. When we feel something, we can look back to a similar experience in the past. That’s just how things are.

It’s understandable why women are more emotional when it comes to sex. It’s a sacred thing to be experienced only with the person you’ve given your heart and soul to, and that is what makes us vulnerable. (As a side note, I’m *so* happy men have the ability to compartmentalize things.)

Sometimes, we ladies have to learn to let our minds wander off and give in to sensations. We have to know when to let our emotions in and when to best leave it at the doorstep. Not all experiences are ‘a journey’ as much as meditation would like us to believe.

Having sex and making love aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes, sex is a way to blow off steam, to relieve stress in a way. Making love is where emotion rides best, and it has both partners invested in tuning into each other’s feelings.

4. When to not talk about it.

I think that out of all these points, this is where men shine. They know when to lean back and put an issue on the side fir a little while and let it cool. Most women aren’t like that and they don’t want that. It’s an uneasy feeling when you know there’s an unresolved issue and it’s just hanging loosely in the air.

We women have to realize that talking about a problem immediately after finding out about it isn’t always the best thing to do. Not every little thing has to be brought up during dinner.

It makes a difference when both partners know when to talk about something and when to let things be. Kind of like an unspoken agreement you both share. Guys don’t really like digging through the nitty gritty details and many feel like it’s a waste of time to talk about something that isn’t such a big deal.

5. Why it’s not your job to make everyone happy.

Most women are naturally people-pleasers. It’s common for us to want to be liked by everybody, and that often tends to stress us out a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re normally the ones who entertain guests at social functions or maybe it’s because of our natural instinct to make everyone feel comfortable. Regardless of the reason, we’ve made it our responsibility to keep people around us happy, whether it was a conscious decision or not.

That being said, women can be too accommodating sometimes and try to please all the people all the time. This might be because of the stereotype that men are more aggressive than women. A man may demand and expect to get what he wants - which could be deemed almost rude and too straight-forward - but I really think we’d benefit from doing the same thing every now and then.

No matter how much you want to be inclusive of people, you can’t please everyone, and that will just add unnecessary, negative feelings.